http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/time-management/wl00048

Filed under: Self control / Discipline, Time manegement by admin on Wednesday, May 26, 2010
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http://www.manageyourlifenow.com/Articles/tabid/60/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/15/16-Tips-for-Better-Time-Management.aspx

Filed under: Time manegement by admin on Wednesday, May 26, 2010
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Filed under: Focus by admin on Wednesday, May 26, 2010
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The Cheetahs of Self Control

Human beings are the only animals in the world who can tell themselves “it’s only a movie.”

When we’re at a scary film and the intensity of our fear starts to overwhelm us, telling ourselves “it’s only a movie” is a way to control our own emotional feelings–to manage them, regulate them, control them. For that matter, we’re the only animals who can create a scary film in the first place, and entertain ourselves with the emotion it evokes.

That’s one of the reasons I think of humans as the cheetahs of self-control. Just as cheetahs can run faster than anything, no animal on earth can control its own emotional life the way a human can. And you could make a credible argument (many have) that this unparalleled human capability has enabled us to dominate just about every corner of the Earth.

That’s because self-control enables us to behave more deliberately, with foresight and sustained attention to relatively abstract future rewards. It allows us to engage in creative problem solving, to reason through instead of merely react. With self-control, we give ourselves the space to plan. We can strategize and contemplate.

In fact, research suggests that our self-control abilities early in life hold real consequences for our successes (or failures) later on. The better we are at controlling our impulses, the better we tend to do at school, at work, and in our relationships.

Humans are the cheetahs of self-control

 These facts have inspired a lot of prominent researchers to promote enhanced self-control not only in childhood, but also as a lifestyle to be cultivated via things like meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy.

Seems simple enough, right?

Well, I’m certainly not going to argue that we need less self-control. But there is something–a kind of worm at the core–that worries me about these prescriptions, and it gets me back to the cheetah metaphor, which is more apt even than it first appears.  Yes, humans are indeed the cheetahs of self-control, and just as cheetahs can only maintain their top speed for a little less than 500 yards before reaching exhaustion, humans can only exercise their self-control abilities for so long before they start to lose them.

Consider the following example: I present you with a list of color words–words like “yellow” and “green” and “blue” and so on.  But the thing is, the word “yellow” is actually printed in blue ink, the word “Green” is actually printed in red ink, the word “blue” is actually printed in yellow ink, and on and on like that.  Then I tell you that your task is to call out not what each word says, but what color each word is printed in. Easy!

Except it’s actually not easy. This task–called a Stroop Task–requires a lot of sustained attention and self-control. Do it for long enough, and your ability to do it will steadily diminish until you can barely do it at all. Worse, do this Stroop Task for a long time and you’ll find yourself less capable of doing all kinds of things–controlling how much you consume or spend, problem solving something carefully, or–yes–telling yourself it’s only a movie.

OK, so, well, if this is all true, then how do we regulate our emotions most of the time? I mean, if sustained self-control is so exhausting and time-limited, why don’t we spend most of our time out of control? Or exhausted? Or both? Or maybe the question is: what are our options once we have exhausted our self-control reserves?

I’ll begin to address the answer to this in my next blog. In the meantime, cherish your ability to control your impulses, but beware of depending on that ability too much, or you may put it at risk. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/our-social-ecology/201005/the-cheetahs-self-control

Filed under: Self control / Discipline by admin on Tuesday, May 25, 2010
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To teach a child self-control, parents need to use restraint

By James Windell/Coping with Kids

May 25, 2010, 5:08AM

STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — The ultimate goal of all discipline is to teach children self-control. That’s what parental discipline and child guidance is all about: allowing our kids to grow up to be adults who can discipline themselves.

Whenever you’re faced with a misbehavior, you might ask yourself how you can enhance your child’s ability to regulate her own behavior? If you ask yourself this, two positive things may happen.

One thing that could happen is you give your child the opportunity to test his self-control, and the second thing that could happen is you get a chance to evaluate yourself by seeing how well your child is learning to control his own behavior.

But the only way these two things can happen is if you don’t intervene immediately when misbehavior begins and see whether your child can stop herself or whether she recognizes that she is misbehaving.

WAIT AND SEE

Suppose your 3-year-old is playing a bit too roughly with the family cat. In an effort to protect the cat or teach your child a lesson, you might be inclined to get involved immediately.

However, if you want to see how much control your son has or see whether he can reverse a behavior once begun, you can just observe. Often, children around this age will correct themselves and say aloud what they often have heard you say.

For instance, a toddler might turn a somewhat aggressive mauling of the cat into a hug while saying, “Be nice to kitty.” If you had been too quick on the trigger, you would not have seen how much your toddler had learned and how his self-control was coming along.

Another example could involve your teenager. If your adolescent daughter has had some difficulties managing her anger, you may be concerned that this could be a major problem when she wants to start driving. The last thing you need is an angry teenager behind the wheel of a car. So, the next time she gets angry, you might watch and see how this plays out.

Is she able to bring herself under control fairly quickly? Has she learned anything from you about a less explosive way to deal with her anger? By silently watching, you can gauge how much progress she has made and you can determine whether she is ready to use your car.

‘PURPOSEFUL IGNORING’

What I’m suggesting is that observing misbehaviors may be a way to figure out how much self-control your child is able to use. This could be termed “purposeful ignoring” and is done for a specific reason: To measure your child’s self-control.

However, there are other ways of determining your child’s ability to regulate their emotions and behavior.

In addition to seeing how much progress they are making, there are other discipline approaches which encourage children to use their own self-control. When you intervene too quickly, you are not allowing your child to use their own self-control skills.

GIVE A SIGNAL

One of these other techniques is to give a signal. By signaling, you give your child an opportunity to pull himself back together. With this technique, you do not ignore the child, but you let him know that you are aware of the situation and that you expect him to gain self-control on his own.

Most of us parents have used this technique at one time or another, and it often works well.

For example, at a movie or a concert, you may have nudged your child with your elbow when he was talking too loudly or making a noise that disturbed others. This signals to the child you are aware of what he’s doing and that you want him to stop on his own.

Some parents use pre-arranged signals (such as a particular hand gesture or a particular word) to alert a child he should regulate his behavior. Another signal, again that most of have used, is to say our child’s name, add his middle name, or say his name with an unmistakable tone. This is a clear signal that he needs to alter his behavior.

Giving signals can be very effective if the misbehavior is just beginning and if your child is still in control and is capable of pulling himself together. Typically, these techniques should be used before a child is out of control and before the problem behavior becomes too serious.

Filed under: Self control / Discipline by admin on Tuesday, May 25, 2010
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Rios focused on consistency, not votes

CLEVELAND — Alex Rios’ standing in early All-Star voting is out of line with his stats.

Rios’ combination of speed and power is driving his early season success. The White Sox center fielder entered Tuesday with nine homers and 14 steals, and he is hitting over .300 in 2010, including .352 during the past 25 games.

Rios’ strong start wasn’t enough to break the top 10 for outfielders in early results announced Monday.

“I’m not even paying attention to it,” Rios said. “I’m putting a lot of attention on my work. That’s what I’m focusing on at this time, trying to be consistent.”

Of course fans can vote for Rios and other White Sox up to 25 times on the 2010 All-Star Game MLB.com Ballot sponsored by Sprint.

Rios is in his first full season with the White Sox, after being claimed off waivers from the Blue Jays last August. Change has suited Rios, who said he is happier in Chicago.

“I’m with a new team, it’s a different atmosphere,” Rios said. “I feel comfortable with it, and I guess that’s one of the most important things in the game. That’s a pretty good combination of things that are happening. I just hope I can keep the consistency and everything that has been going at this point.”   http://mlb.mlb.com

Filed under: Focus, Self control / Discipline by admin on Tuesday, May 25, 2010
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As college kids end their semesters, many plan to return home. Financial experts Jonathan and David Murray offer advice for easing the transition.

 

Click to watch video

Filed under: Focus by admin on Monday, May 24, 2010
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